34.

Today is my birthday. When I was a kid this day seemed way more exciting than it does now. Grown-up birthdays turn out to be pretty much like every other grown-up day.

Admittedly, the number 34 seems impossible to me...didn't I just hit 30 last year? I've come to terms with the fact that I am no longer a young mom with small children. But truly, honestly, I sometimes still think I'm in my 20s.

When I was at Costco with my 2 youngest children, a young man in his early twenties stopped me to say, "Hey, I know you're married and I'm not hitting on you or anything, but I just wanted to tell you that you're a really pretty mom." As if being a mom and being pretty were mutually exclusive. Or as if he meant...you're pretty...for a mom. I chuckled at the time because his whole manner was like he was talking to his grandma or something. But it made me realize that even if I still perceive myself as a young woman, the outside world definitely does not.

Sure there have been some clues that I'm aging. What used to be just one gray hair has recruited a lot of friends. I can no longer deny the lines on my forehead...and yet I still get pimples! It doesn't seem fair to have wrinkles and zits at the same time. And the word "sag" around here is not in reference to the "Screen Actors Guild."

Physically, I consider myself to be in pretty good shape. I run three times a week, and I do moderate weight training at the gym. I even got a mountain bike for my birthday so I can head up the nearby trails when the snow melts. But I have to admit that my body doesn't bounce back from things like it used to. In the past two years I have gone through an increasing number of annoying injuries...sprained ankle, IT-band pain, trochanteric bursitis, and acute back strain. Just little reminders that my muscles and joints are not as elastic and resilient as they once were.

But despite a new healthy acknowledgment of mortality, I wouldn't go back a decade. I am more capable and competent than I used to be. I have learned to take things in stride more. I have a greater understanding of my faults and failings, but a better appreciation of my strengths. I have fewer friendships than when I was young, but such a greater depth to the relationships I do have. I feel more confident as a mother than I did 10 years ago. I have drawn closer to my husband in this thirty-something phase of life. How I adore that man! Even when he makes me crazy.

Today I treated myself to lunch for my birthday...I brought a book, ate a delicious salad and just relaxed by myself in a restaurant. Not that long ago I would have considered this as fairly pathetic. But now I know how to enjoy the rare times when I can be by myself.

As I was driving home, I couldn't help smiling to myself. I guess I just realized something really great on today, my 34th birthday.

I am happy.

p.s. My sister is potentially having a baby girl today..could there be a better present than a new niece? And shouldn't I get to be her favorite aunt by default?

Make a U-Turn If Possible

So I have a special friend I take with me everywhere I go. She isn't the best listener, but she tells it like it is no matter what. It's refreshing to have someone in your life who is brutally honest. And although sometimes her counsel sends me in unexpected directions, I trust her advice explicitly.

She is the voice of my GPS. Or as I call her...Gerty.

I don't know how I ever lived without her. And since my husband has been out of town for 5 weeks, I've had a lot of extra quality time with her. I have found myself pondering the inherent symbolism of my utter dependence on an electronic gadget. I have decided that really Gerty has many life lessons to share with me.

I will be the first to confess that sometimes the routes Gerty maps are not the most direct. Maybe I take the long way now and then...but ultimately I always arrive at the desired destination. I had a life-map all planned out by the time I got to college too...and guess what? Not everything worked out according to my plan. Unbelievable, no? However, I look around at where I am in life right now and realize that maybe I just took the scenic route to get here.

Until 3 weeks ago, Gerty had never once let me down. So I was surprised when running an errand to our new School District building, Gerty directed me to take a right on a seedy looking alley. My instincts were that this was some kind of mistake, so I kept going for another block and discovered a dead end. Turning around, I decided to risk the narrow alley. A hundred yards in, I hit another dead end. I could see through a barbed wire fence the main road that the GPS was leading me too, but due to the construction of some new city buildings, there was now no longer an outlet from the narrow street I was on. So after a quick, 17 point turn, I backed out and turned south to find a street that would get me were I was heading. At first I felt enormously let down by my navigator, but after a while I realized this was analagous to real life as well. There are times in our lives for all of us when we're driving along smoothly and an unexpected road-block appears in our path. Sometimes we have to find another way to travel for a while. Maybe we'll have to go in the wrong direction for a minute...or at slower speeds, but eventually we can find our way back to the main road.

When we go on long trips, Gerty sometimes says things like, "Stay on the road..for..over... 300 miles." It's like the days of relative calm in my life...sometimes the routine might seem monotonous, but those times represent a chance to catch my breath and savor the little things. I hit one of these long stretches when I was in the baby-stage...changing diapers, late-night feedings, filling many physical needs. Now I find myself on an entirely new stretch, full of more twists and turns and I look back to those monotonous days with a different admiration.

My kids' favorite thing to hear from the GPS is "Make a U-turn if possible." I'm not sure why, but they get a huge kick out of this...probably because it means Mom blew it and made a mistake. But again, in my analogy, there are choices and options I have taken in my life that have led me in the exact opposite direction I wanted to be heading. The only thing to do at those times is to make that U-turn and find your way back.

And sometimes Gerty says, "Take the second left turn."

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

As Time Goes By

My baby is blooming in Kindergarten.
She is reading, writing, and "rithmetic-ing" up a storm around here.
Today she aspires to become a ballerina, a doctor and a mommy.
Last week, she wanted to be a pizza chef.
As a naturally social little creature, she is only truly in her element when she is surrounded by her swarms of pig-tailed compatriots.
She loves, and I mean LOVES to do homework.
I couldn't be happier for this stage and phase in her development. It is a joy to see her taking steps of independence.
Every day, I drop her off at school, and her teacher helps her out of the van.
She walks a few steps toward the classrooms, then suddenly stops as if she has remembered something important. She turns around and finds me watching her; smiles an eye-pinching grin; waves at me; and blows me a big, beauty-pageant kiss.
And I smile back and blow her a kiss too.
And though I adore the goofiness of this tradition of departure...my heart breaks just a tiny little bit every time I drive away.

2009 In Review

January meant about 600 miles logged on the van driving kiddos to practices, activities and games. Resolution for this year: Get to every game with a water bottle, equipment, and...oh yes, the right uniform on.



February was all about travel. Dad spent most of the month in Phoenix on business. An irony for someone who spent a good part of 2007 shuttling him to the airport in Phoenix so that he could work in Salt Lake City. We also made a trip to a niece's baby blessing, and to Disneyland as a family. At the end of the month, I joined Cory on his last trip to Phoenix to catch up with old friends and sunshine. Resolution for this year: Do not leave car keys on an airplane.





March was all about late snow...whining about late snow...running in the snow...taking off the snow tires before the snow was all gone...and Isaac's Indiana Jones birthday party. Resolution: Make peace with Mother Nature.

In April, we left Dad at home and went to visit my parents while the kids were off-track. For me..it was a chance to give up domestic responsibilities for a brief but very appreciated heartbeat. For the kids..it was a chance to play 372 games of pool. And I'm sitting here trying to remember even one small detail of the 8 hour drive there or the 8 hour drive back and coming up blank. I guess my sub-conscious is protecting me. Resolution: Go back again this April for my sister's wedding.

(One day in Sparks, Grandpa took us to a drive racecars..

Anna who is terrified to ride anything bigger than a tricycle,

was willing to let Zachary drive her around...quickly and erratically.)

In May my oldest turned 12 and I was called as the Ward Young Women's President in the same week. Both events have brought new joys to my life...and new meaning to the word "patience." Resolution: "Come what may...and love it"..or at least laugh at it.


June we pulled ourselves through the finish line of school, trial, and the Ragnar Relay. Zachary graduated from Elementary School, Anna graduated from pre-school (and turned 5), Cory spent a month working 18 hour days, and I ran another 30 hour relay marathon...all with varying degrees of success. Resolution: New shoes for everyone.


July was a blur...I hosted a family reunion, spent a night at girls' camp, attended the beautiful wedding of a high school friend in California, went to Youth Conference, sent my oldest away for a week at Scout Camp...and sprained my ankle. Resolution: Don't run faster than you have strength.

80 per cent of August was spent in a car. We drove to visit Grandma and Grandpa on their mission in Des Moines, Iowa and while there continued as far east as Nauvoo, Illinois. Resolution: Be grateful for the great time we had and remember all the great things we got to see, but never...ever do that again.

In September 3 out of 4 kids started at a new school. Resolution: Let the car-pooling begin!

October was once again filled with dance and sports. Every weekend meant 2 football games and 1 lacrosse game...usually all at the same time in different places...Luckily October weather compensated for the March fiasco. Resolution: Make kids learn to drive themselves to these things.

November brought Noah's double-digit birthday and the Harbertsons to Utah. It was a good time to take stock of our blessings. And to eat. Resolution: Eat less pie.

December was filled with the usual suspects of anticipation, frenzy, and vague threatenings. Oh, and stitches. I for one was strangely melancholy to see it all come to an end so quickly. Resolution: Less hustle, more humble.

Welcome 2010!

A Christmas Eve Waiting Room Crisis...Averted

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family! We have had a nice holiday weekend, and although Cory headed back to San Francisco last night, he will be coming home tomorrow in time for the anniversary.

Our Christmas day was fun and quiet. For me, a successful Christmas means that I stay in my pajamas...all day...so this year was first-rate.

However, as much as I love to stay in my jammies on Christmas...every year I have a deep psychological need to go do something on Christmas Eve. Something that does not include any kind of shopping! Often, in past years, we have gone to the movies on Christmas Eve. This is fun, but this year there wasn't really anything our whole family was interested in seeing. This new family phase we're in means we have little kids and near teenagers...and neither the interests of the twain shall meet. So this year, I suggested ice skating instead. It was great! It felt so good to get out and do something physical. Anna loved being swished around the rink with Dad on one side and me on the other. The boys picked it up fairly quickly. I found myself smiling non-stop. There's something about feeling clumsy and on the verge of crashing at all times that brings a smile to my face I guess.

After about an hour on the ice, I said to Cory, "This is great! I think we should make this a new family tradition." As we rounded the corner, we noticed Zachary and Noah on the side. We stopped to see if they were okay and discovered that Noah had slipped and split his chin open.

We managed to get the whole tribe out in the lobby to look at the cut more closely, and determined it would likely need stitches. Cory called his friend who happens to work in the ER of the hospital across the street from the rink to see if he was working that day. I took the other 3 children back to the ice for a promised "one last time around." When I got back, Cory said his friend was not working, but that he was heading to his parents' house in Sandy for Christmas Eve and told us to meet him there so he could stitch it up for us.

What? No endless wait in an emergency room waiting area to ruin what had started out as a delightful family holiday? What a blessing! Thanks Koy! You are the best! Maybe next year we'll go back to the movies.

Counting Blessings

It's too close to Christmas to leave my last, complaining entry up so today I choose to acknowledge the blessings of the past few days.

Our family was given the challenge on November 1st to read the Book of Mormon before the end of the year. That's fast. Really fast. But I can number two blessings in just this week that have only happened because of this invitation. The first happened, when I went to Noah's class Christmas party. The kids were sitting quietly in their classroom reading while the moms got everything ready for the party. I looked over, and my 10-year-old son had brought his scriptures to school so that he could "catch up." I was both surprised and impressed...what a blessing for him and for me. I can certainly learn from his example. The second blessing came on Monday afternoon, as I was cleaning the kitchen and Zachary and I had a great discussion about what he had just read from the Book of Mormon. It was casual and simple, but somehow profound. What a blessing to share this with my children this holiday season.

Last night, I drove the youth downtown in the middle of a snowstorm to deliver our wrapped Sub for Santa gifts. We brought our loads into a small apartment...smaller than the first apartment Cory and I lived in when we got married. This family has somehow squeezed 4 children into this space, with another baby due in February. That alone turned my earlier bitterness into sheepishness. There's so much I take for granted. But they had such a kind, humble, grateful and HAPPY feeling in their home. It was a blessing to meet them.

Then, when I got home late from dropping the girls off, I came home to an anonymously shoveled driveway. This is no small blessing, because when I left last evening at 6:45, there were 8 inches and it snowed the whole time we were gone. At first I thought Zachary had done it, because his Sub for Santa group got home before mine, but he said the driveway was still covered when he got home. Our kind elf works fast.

Especially today I am grateful that Cory will be home tonight and tomorrow we can pull our family together and talk and sing together about the real reason for this holiday. Because He is my greatest blessing.

Bah Humbug, Last-Minute Travel Edition

Timeline of Christmas events in the Talbot household...

Thursday, December 17, 3:14 p.m. The FINAL Christmas purchase is in my hands.

Thursday, 4:45 p.m. Everything is officially wrapped.

Thursday, 4:46 p.m. Call Cory and brag that everything is done!

Thursday, 4:47 p.m. Cory shares the great news that he taking the entire next week off.

Thursday, 5:00 p.m. Prepare dinner and beam at wonderful children...take a sip of their Christmas excitement.

Thursday, 6:02 p.m. Cory calls with news of possible travel to San Francisco.

Thursday, 6:14 p.m. Cory calls to say he's on his way home...to pack. He's leaving for the airport in the morning, will be back late Saturday night, will leave again Monday and be back on Christmas Eve.

Thursday, 6:15 p.m. come fairly close to an expletive.

Saturday, December 19 Grouchy, mean mom rules supreme.

Sunday, December 20 Cory shares the news he will now also be traveling December 28-30. Our anniversary is December 29. Spitting ensues.

I'm trying to find the cheerful, funny, unselfish way to look at all of this, but it's not happening. Too mad. Everyone pray for my kids.