Independence Day

I have never been a mother who craves needy, mommy-reliant children. I love, love, love infants with their downy heads and smells. I always loved that moment in each of my four babies' lives when I came to their cribs in the middle of the night and they recognized ME with a look of pure and trusting adoration. I even found it amusing in late baby months when they would all go through that stage where everyone but Mommy is a bad guy...even Daddy.

But! I have always been a great believer in the cutting of apron strings. From toddler-hood I have always tried to expect and teach my toddling protege the things that chubby hands and legs can do for themselves. I have designed chore charts and study schedules and cooking lessons. I expect everyone in my house from 1st grade up to make their own lunch, school-day or no.

And yet! As I am embarking on teenage full throttle, it seems their dependence on me is increasing instead of waning. Some days I feel crushed by the weight of expectancy. No one can seem to get ready for school in the morning without incessant reminding. Homework, chores, and piano practicing seem every day to be a novel and unexpected suggestion. Minutes ago, our carpool showed up to taxi the younger two to school and had to wait for Anna whom I discovered in her room just pulling on pants after being sent up to get dressed 25 minutes ago. She wears a uniform...getting dressed for her means: open bottom drawer, pull out navy skirt or pants and white shirt! If something is lost, it's my responsibility to find it. If they get to school without their lunch/homework/coat I can depend on an urgent and demanding phone call.

Now keep in mind that I am no helicopter parent! Nine times out of ten, when I get that emergency phone call, my response is: "That's too bad, I guess you're going to have to stay in at recess today...or turn it in late...or beg your friends to share their lunches with you."

I think I always imagined that once I got past the baby/toddler stage, things would run more smoothly, effectively, efficiently. I would say, "Go upstairs and brush and floss your teeth," and magically, ten minutes later-mission accomplished! Despite my expectation, instruction, and nagging, I have managed to turn out four exceptionally needy human beings. And for some reason, in the past several weeks, this has become an eat-me-alive kind of problem.

So I was pouring my heart out today in prayer when I suddenly realized the irony of my words. Because how could I expect to turn to a parent to assist me with my needs when I resented the petitions my children are consistently directing to me? I think tomorrow, I need to dig deep for a well of patience and gentleness and truly make the effort to enjoy the un-snipped apron strings for a little longer.