It Turns Out I'm Not Getting More Patient

I've posted a lot in the last year about the changes in my home life as my children are growing up. It's strange how quickly and suddenly you can find yourself worrying more about your children's Internet habits than their toilet habits.

So as I get ready to embark on an empty household in September, I have found myself feeling older and wiser--one of those moms with sage advice for women still dealing with preschoolers and potty-training. I'm feeling more calm and patient every day.

And then I took the kids back to school shopping.

By myself.

All 4 of them.

At the same time.

I guess it's been a while since I went anywhere by myself with all of my offspring because I was caught completely by surprise when after 14 minutes of shopping I was ready to abandon every last one of them. Seriously. I looked in my purse to see if I had any paper with which to make "child for sale" signs. I could only come up with a crayon and a gum-wrapper. Dang.

Now just the day before I watched some poor lady at the grocery store wrestling 3 little boys...one was crying, one was fighting, and one was attempting to set the deli on fire. I chuckled to myself about boy how glad I am those days are behind me. Then I patted the 1 child who was with me and told them since they were being so good, the could pick out a candy bar.

I guess some people can humble themselves; I, on the other hand, much prefer being compelled to be humble.

So after 5 hours, 4 stores, 2 potty breaks (I guess you never really get a break from their toilet habits after all), and $450 we are nearly done. No one got a candy bar, although I did hear Zachary at one point telling his siblings to "act like little angels" in the next store in hopes of a reward. Alas, they misinterpreted his well-intentioned speech and behaved exactly like little angels of darkness.

So much for all my smug thoughts that I was really learning to be a more patient, careful, soft-spoken, and compassionate mother. I wonder if there were any moms of older children watching my spontaneously combustible family and chuckling to themselves about how they remember those days. If so, they better watch out. Karma is not a patient lady either.